fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
