Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
