I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Say something about gay babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
