Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
