Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
