Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
