what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
