i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
