Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
