We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
