Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
