This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
