I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
