And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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