I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
