why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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