Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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