dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
