update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
