He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
