Your tits are I can't wait for
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
