she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
