can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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