Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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