So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
