Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
