dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Michael Bay diarrhea
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
