I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
