I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize