God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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