I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Boobs are out for the taking
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
