he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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