I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't make out with my wife yet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize