Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize