Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
