I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
