you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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