hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
