So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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