all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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