i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
