is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
