.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize