Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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