Define "chronic" masturbator.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
