now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
