i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize