do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
