so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
