Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
