I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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