we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
