i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
