it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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