Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
