Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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