Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the night ended with taco bell and tears
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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