yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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