Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They have beer where we have blood.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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