i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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