Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
