There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize