That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
