bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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