the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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