i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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