Can i not drive my cunt home
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
