the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
