i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
