Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
