I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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