dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
