I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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